When a relationship ends
What is shared, what is not, and how to separate the money safely.
Ends with: A clear view of what is relationship property, and safe control of your own money.
Almost nothing is written about the money side of separating, which is remarkable given how many people go through it and how large the decisions are. People end up making irreversible choices about property, debt and accounts at precisely the point they are least equipped to think clearly, often on the basis of what a friend told them or what they half remember from a television programme made in another country.
This pathway is short and deliberately practical. It starts with what the law actually treats as shared, because that answer surprises people in both directions. The three year rule means a de facto relationship of three years is generally treated much like a marriage, which astonishes people who never married and assumed that protected them. KiwiSaver contributed during the relationship is usually relationship property too, even though only one name is on the account.
Then it moves to the mechanics: separating accounts safely and in the right order, untangling the boring shared arrangements that cause arguments six months later, and dealing with debt that has both names on it. That last one matters because a joint loan stays joint regardless of what the two of you agree between yourselves. The lender is not a party to your separation agreement and is not bound by it.
The last two steps are here because separation is when financial abuse most often becomes visible, and because a will that still names an ex-partner is a will that still works. Separating revokes neither your will nor your enduring power of attorney, so until you change them your former partner may still inherit and may still be the person legally entitled to make decisions on your behalf.
Relationship property is a legal question with real deadlines. See a lawyer early rather than after agreeing something informally.
-
Where you actually stand
The overall shape before any decisions: what is shared, what is separate, and what happens to the house.
-
The three year rule
A de facto relationship of three years is generally treated much like a marriage for property purposes. People who never married are often astonished by this.
8 min read -
KiwiSaver is relationship property too
Contributions made during the relationship are generally shared, which people rarely expect because the account has one name on it.
Work out your own: KiwiSaver Calculator 8 min read -
Separating the accounts safely
Joint accounts either party can empty, and automatic payments that keep running. Do this deliberately and in the right order rather than in a hurry.
8 min read -
Untangling shared arrangements
Insurance, utilities, subscriptions and anything with both names on it. The boring list is what causes the arguments six months later.
7 min read -
Debt with both names on it
A joint loan stays joint no matter what you agree between yourselves. The lender is not bound by your separation agreement.
-
If you are now on one income
Sole Parent Support, Working for Families at a different rate, and child support. Entitlements change substantially and few people check straight away.
Work out your own: Child Support Calculator 9 min read -
If the money was being controlled
Separation is when financial abuse most often becomes visible: debt in your name, no access to accounts, no idea what is owned. It is recognised and there is help.
9 min read -
Update your will and your EPA
Separating does not revoke either. Until you change them, an ex-partner may still inherit and may still hold power of attorney over you.
Work out your own: Net Worth Calculator 8 min read
When to stop and get someone else
Relationship property is a legal question with real deadlines, and the three year rule means a de facto relationship can be treated much like a marriage. See a lawyer early rather than after agreeing something informally. Community law centres and the Citizens Advice Bureau both help free, and free financial mentoring is available through MoneyTalks.
This pathway is information, not financial advice. Rates, thresholds and rules change; every guide carries the date it was last reviewed.
Ticking a step keeps your place in this browser only. There is no account and nothing is sent anywhere, so clearing your browsing data will clear it too.
Back to all pathways · Browse the full guide library · All budgeting and net worth calculators